just a rant

I should preface everything I am about say with the statement that the only thing I regularly watch on television is sports, namely college football. Now with that out of the way I do watch the occasional late night show and I have a simple question for the world at large. When did the late night shows turned to shit? There not all terrible Jimmy Kimmel and Craig Ferguson are funny when you consider the fact that they are constrained by the same stick up their ass network executives who fired an improv comedian, because she let “fuck” slip out at 12:30am on Saturday Night Live. By the way, I refuse to say comedienne because I am pretty sure the definition of the word is funny for a woman and I don’t have a fucking clue how it is pronounced. Even with all that considered I was watching Craig Fergusons monologue from Monday and I found myself wondering if CBS has installed a laugh sign underneath the one that says applaud. Now I should say that in my opinion Ferguson has a better monologue than Jimmy Kimmel and has better banter during interviews. Of course, Kimmel puts together a better show because he has more money, better writers and actually has sketches (more money). I seem to have veered away from my central theme, not funny late night comedy in case you forgot, in his monologue on Monday, Ferguson actually made a joke about the fact Donald duck does not wear pants, but wears a towel when he gets out of the shower. The joke was received with thunderous laughter by whatever audience they pull off the street at 4pm on a Monday afternoon. This is a stupid joke for a lot of reasons mostly because it wasn’t original when Chandler Bing told it in 1996 and secondly, Disney will sue anybody and I’ll just bet being CBS is a good enough reason for them.

Now it sounds like I blame the networks but I don’t they are just trying to get high rating to attract advertisers and make money which for better or worse is the point. This logically means that there is only one group left to blame America, of course I mean this in the broadest sense. I am in fact blaming the viewers who are clearly not funny and ignorant otherwise someone like Dennis Miller would be hosting the Tonight Show not a hack like Conan O’ Brian, whose main joke is that he has a goofy haircut.

As I mature in to a proud citizen of this beautiful country of ours and piss on the lawns of the White House, I am forced to echo the title of Adam Carolla’s upcoming masterpiece I Didn’t Know Adults Would Be So Stupid. For those who might disagree with my conclusion about the American people I say only three things an empty vessel fills the White House, Heidi and Spencer are genuine celebrities, and American Idol. If at this point you don’t see the problem then please refrain from reproducing. I guess I have failed to answer my question or even stay on topic, but I do know why late night TV is unwatchable and the satisfaction is making my leg tingle.

Murder on Music Row

I a little while back, I was having a conversation with a young lady about our tastes in music. Seeing that I was born in Alabama, and I've spent most of my life in the great state of Georgia, I have a natural affinity for country music and southern rock. I honestly don't think it gets any better than hearing George Strait sing "Amarillo by Morning" or Ronnie Van Zant mournfully wail about being "simple kind of man." Unfortunately this particular young lady didn't agree with me. She said, "I don't really like country music. You can't really dance to it or anything, but I do like Taylor Swift. She's country isn't she?" That last part of her statement is what really made me see red. I was polite when I explained to her that I thought Miss Swift is nothing more than a pop singer who is based out of Nashville, but in my head I was screaming, "No, no, no, a thousand times NO! Taylor Swift is not a country singer!"

This post doesn't have anything to do with the VMA incident, but I 'm obligated to use it, because I'm writing about Taylor Swift.

I realize that not all country fans are purists like I am, and I know that music evolves over time as well. Not everything can sound like Willie Nelson, Waylon Jennings, and the boys. However, Taylor Swift, while admittedly talented, has absolutely no place on modern country radio for a number of reasons. She's from Pennsylvania (that's not in the South for those of you who didn't do too hot in 5th grade geography), she uses poorly matched literary references such as "you were Romeo/I was the scarlet letter" (so he's an impetuous youth, and you're an adultress?), and she's put a techno beat to some of her songs. This is a huge no-no in country music. Heck, if she were any less country, she'd be a member of the 1980s German pop band Nena.

To be fair, their 1983 song, "Vollmond," does have a rockabilly feel to it.

While all of the reasons listed contribute to my contempt for Taylor Swift, my primary gripe stems from the content of her songs. Most of her music deals with young love and the folly of youth. Normally, I wouldn't have any problem with this. Brad Paisley's "Letter to Me" deals with similar subject matter in a poignant manner that can only come from years of reflecting upon one's life. The problem with Miss Swift's music is the fact that she hasn't had adequate time to give any depth to her ruminations about high school and ex-boyfriends. You can't wax poetic about how young at naive you were at 15 when you're only 19 at the time of writing the song. Heck, I'm 21, and I don't think I'm mature enough to look back wistfully at my 10-year-old self. Because of the lack of temporal difference between her and her subject matter, Taylor Swift fails to truly reach the depth of emotion that Paisley and so many other great country musicians do when they sing similar songs. Instead of coming off as having the wisdom that can only be gained through the years, Taylor Swift seems more like an invention of Nashville who profits from the teen angst that belongs on Radio Disney and not in the Grand Ole Opry.

Had to be said

The Oxford English Dictionary declared the word of the year to be "unfriend." This is a doubleplusungood omen for the future of the spoken word. I don't want to sound like Hank Moody but I really hate what the internet has done to language and I swear to god the next time someone says lol, omfg, or pun intended I will stab them.

Oh the Places You'll Go

Here at "The Silent Minority" we strive to provide you with hard-hitting pieces about issues that are relevant to today's rapidly changing world, and I'm happy to announce that I was granted an interview with one of most recognizable icons of the Muslim world. Of course, I am talking about Mahmoud Ahmadinejad's Members Only jacket. The jacket and the president of Iran have been working together for more than 30 years, and it was my pleasure

Here is the interview in its entirety:

Laugh all you want, but this is one of the most powerful pieces of clothing in the world.

KC: I know you have a busy schedule. Thank you for making the time to be here.

Members Only Jacket: It's really no problem. It's nice to get off of Mahmoud's back every once in a while.

KC: So how did you end up in the possession of President Ahmadinejad.

MOJ: Well, it's funny you should ask that. During the 1979 U.S. embassy hostage crisis he saw Americans wearing Members Only jackets, and he had to get one for himself. He's been wearing me ever since.

KC: Wait, so you're saying President Ahmadinejad played an integral role in the the seizure of the U.S. embassy in Tehran?

MOJ: No. I'm not saying that. You're saying that. The CIA even said he wasn't involved.

KC: But there are eyewitness accounts from hostages and...

MOJ: Do you want this interview to end? The CIA said it wasn't him and that's that.

KC: I'm sorry. I didn't know it was such a touchy issue.

MOJ: It's okay. I'm just tired of have to answer that question.

KC: To shift gears, what do you like most about your job. What's it like to provide the coattails for people in the Iranian government to ride on?

MOJ: The exposure is great. Ladies love an article of clothing in the limelight.

KC: Oh! So is there someone special in your life?

MOJ: Right now, I'm single. I was seeing a pair of hip-hugger jeans, but it was a forbidden love that couldn't last.

KC: A forbidden love? Can you elaborate?

MOJ: It was literally a forbidden love. That's really all there is to it. Hip-hugger jeans are banned in Iran and most of the Muslim world. The Ayatollah says only American harlots wear such satanic clothing.

That harlot!!!

KC: That sucks.

MOJ: Tell me about it.

KC: You may have already touched on it right there, but what is the worst part of your job.

MOJ: Well actually it has nothing to do with what I just mentioned. The worst part of my job has to be the fact that Mahmoud never takes me off for more than 30 minutes at a time. He even wears me during his semi-annual shower. Everything I have in my pockets always gets ruined.

KC: Do you have anything important in your pockets right now?

MOJ: Yeah, I have a bunch of ballots that were cast for [opposition candidate] Mir-Hossein Mousavi, an anti-Semitic speech to be delivered before the UN, and some Trojan Ecstasy condoms.

KC: Condoms? Are you planning on getting lucky tonight?

MOJ: No, but Mahmoud is. I tried explaining to him that nobody who wears a Members Only jackets has gotten laid since 1987, but he won't listen.

Even George Clooney would have a hard time with the ladies if he wore a Members Only jacket.

KC: Well Mr. Members Only jacket it was great having you, and we here at "The Silent Minority" wish you all the best.

MOJ: It was great being here. By the way, I wouldn't plan on going to Israel anytime in the next five years if I were you.

KC: What!? Why!?

MOJ: No reason.

So Long Dixie

Recently, the administration at Ole Miss banned the playing of the song "From Dixie with Love" at all of the university's sporting events. The song, which is probably one of the coolest in all of college football, is a combination of "The Battle Hymn of the Republic" and "Dixie" the unofficial national anthem of the Confederacy. The issue of contention was the fact that many Ole Miss fans would shout, "the South will rise again" toward the end of the song. The administration deemed this phrase offensive and threatened to ban the song if the fans did not stop chanting it. Unfortunately, there were those who were determined to call the administration's bluff, and the chancellor of the university took quick action.


The University of Mississippi aka "Ole Miss" in Oxford, MS


While I understand the rationale behind the decision banning "From Dixie with Love," I cannot say that I agree with it. For years, "the South will rise again"was used as an offensive slogan to drum up support for the white power movement and strike fear into the hearts of African-Americans. However, it doesn't carry the same meaning now as it did even 20 years ago. Today, with the notable exception of a few idiots who seem hell bent on making all southerners look bad, when most people utter "the South will rise again" there is little, if any, hatred behind it. It is merely a way of expressing appreciation for the region's history. There are those who will argue that South's history is nothing to celebrate, but most southerners, myself included, will continue to do so.

Many people from outside the South believe that we should carry a great deal of shame for the sins of our past, and we do. We fully realize that our ancestors made some horrible mistakes, and slavery, one of the many reasons the Civil War was fought, was a heinous institution that needed to be abolished. However, we still like to look back to that era with some modicum of pride. The fact that our ancestors were willing to secede from and fight a war against the United States shows a fierce level of personal independence that still exists within the region today. This coupled with the fact that the South is also the region that gave the world William Faulkner, Coca-Cola, Jack Daniels, and some the most beautiful women to walk the face of the Earth creates a great deal of pride juxtaposed alongside the shame we feel about slavery and the Jim Crow era.


Oh yeah, the chicken sandwich was also invented down here.


To me, saying "the South will rise again" is a way acknowledging all of our past mistakes while honoring all that we have accomplished throughout the years. Again, I have a great deal of respect for Ole Miss and its administration. Looking it it from and outsider's prospective, they're doing a fine job running the school, but I simply do not agree with this particular decision. A phrase that is now used as a way of expressing all things southern, good and bad, is not a sufficient reason for banning one of the most stirring fight songs in all of college football.

I mean come on! Tell me that it doesn't sound cool:

It's Alive!

I just wanted to take the time to welcome anyone who accidentally stumbles upon this blog. I'm going to try to post on a number of topics ranging from the important to insignificant. I hope everyone enjoys and doesn't get too offended by what I have to say!