Oh the Places You'll Go

Here at "The Silent Minority" we strive to provide you with hard-hitting pieces about issues that are relevant to today's rapidly changing world, and I'm happy to announce that I was granted an interview with one of most recognizable icons of the Muslim world. Of course, I am talking about Mahmoud Ahmadinejad's Members Only jacket. The jacket and the president of Iran have been working together for more than 30 years, and it was my pleasure

Here is the interview in its entirety:

Laugh all you want, but this is one of the most powerful pieces of clothing in the world.

KC: I know you have a busy schedule. Thank you for making the time to be here.

Members Only Jacket: It's really no problem. It's nice to get off of Mahmoud's back every once in a while.

KC: So how did you end up in the possession of President Ahmadinejad.

MOJ: Well, it's funny you should ask that. During the 1979 U.S. embassy hostage crisis he saw Americans wearing Members Only jackets, and he had to get one for himself. He's been wearing me ever since.

KC: Wait, so you're saying President Ahmadinejad played an integral role in the the seizure of the U.S. embassy in Tehran?

MOJ: No. I'm not saying that. You're saying that. The CIA even said he wasn't involved.

KC: But there are eyewitness accounts from hostages and...

MOJ: Do you want this interview to end? The CIA said it wasn't him and that's that.

KC: I'm sorry. I didn't know it was such a touchy issue.

MOJ: It's okay. I'm just tired of have to answer that question.

KC: To shift gears, what do you like most about your job. What's it like to provide the coattails for people in the Iranian government to ride on?

MOJ: The exposure is great. Ladies love an article of clothing in the limelight.

KC: Oh! So is there someone special in your life?

MOJ: Right now, I'm single. I was seeing a pair of hip-hugger jeans, but it was a forbidden love that couldn't last.

KC: A forbidden love? Can you elaborate?

MOJ: It was literally a forbidden love. That's really all there is to it. Hip-hugger jeans are banned in Iran and most of the Muslim world. The Ayatollah says only American harlots wear such satanic clothing.

That harlot!!!

KC: That sucks.

MOJ: Tell me about it.

KC: You may have already touched on it right there, but what is the worst part of your job.

MOJ: Well actually it has nothing to do with what I just mentioned. The worst part of my job has to be the fact that Mahmoud never takes me off for more than 30 minutes at a time. He even wears me during his semi-annual shower. Everything I have in my pockets always gets ruined.

KC: Do you have anything important in your pockets right now?

MOJ: Yeah, I have a bunch of ballots that were cast for [opposition candidate] Mir-Hossein Mousavi, an anti-Semitic speech to be delivered before the UN, and some Trojan Ecstasy condoms.

KC: Condoms? Are you planning on getting lucky tonight?

MOJ: No, but Mahmoud is. I tried explaining to him that nobody who wears a Members Only jackets has gotten laid since 1987, but he won't listen.

Even George Clooney would have a hard time with the ladies if he wore a Members Only jacket.

KC: Well Mr. Members Only jacket it was great having you, and we here at "The Silent Minority" wish you all the best.

MOJ: It was great being here. By the way, I wouldn't plan on going to Israel anytime in the next five years if I were you.

KC: What!? Why!?

MOJ: No reason.