just a rant

I should preface everything I am about say with the statement that the only thing I regularly watch on television is sports, namely college football. Now with that out of the way I do watch the occasional late night show and I have a simple question for the world at large. When did the late night shows turned to shit? There not all terrible Jimmy Kimmel and Craig Ferguson are funny when you consider the fact that they are constrained by the same stick up their ass network executives who fired an improv comedian, because she let “fuck” slip out at 12:30am on Saturday Night Live. By the way, I refuse to say comedienne because I am pretty sure the definition of the word is funny for a woman and I don’t have a fucking clue how it is pronounced. Even with all that considered I was watching Craig Fergusons monologue from Monday and I found myself wondering if CBS has installed a laugh sign underneath the one that says applaud. Now I should say that in my opinion Ferguson has a better monologue than Jimmy Kimmel and has better banter during interviews. Of course, Kimmel puts together a better show because he has more money, better writers and actually has sketches (more money). I seem to have veered away from my central theme, not funny late night comedy in case you forgot, in his monologue on Monday, Ferguson actually made a joke about the fact Donald duck does not wear pants, but wears a towel when he gets out of the shower. The joke was received with thunderous laughter by whatever audience they pull off the street at 4pm on a Monday afternoon. This is a stupid joke for a lot of reasons mostly because it wasn’t original when Chandler Bing told it in 1996 and secondly, Disney will sue anybody and I’ll just bet being CBS is a good enough reason for them.

Now it sounds like I blame the networks but I don’t they are just trying to get high rating to attract advertisers and make money which for better or worse is the point. This logically means that there is only one group left to blame America, of course I mean this in the broadest sense. I am in fact blaming the viewers who are clearly not funny and ignorant otherwise someone like Dennis Miller would be hosting the Tonight Show not a hack like Conan O’ Brian, whose main joke is that he has a goofy haircut.

As I mature in to a proud citizen of this beautiful country of ours and piss on the lawns of the White House, I am forced to echo the title of Adam Carolla’s upcoming masterpiece I Didn’t Know Adults Would Be So Stupid. For those who might disagree with my conclusion about the American people I say only three things an empty vessel fills the White House, Heidi and Spencer are genuine celebrities, and American Idol. If at this point you don’t see the problem then please refrain from reproducing. I guess I have failed to answer my question or even stay on topic, but I do know why late night TV is unwatchable and the satisfaction is making my leg tingle.